Don't Say It
by StayWithTea
Summary: Jemima has always loved Munkustrap more than she was willing to admit to due to a considerable age difference and he's with her older sister. Nevertheless, five times she tells him that she loves him and one time he tells her. This pairing is adorable, I couldn't help it '
1. Chapter 1

**Don't Say It**

Four times Jemima told Munkustrap she loved him and one time, he told her.

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The first was when she was a kitten of seven years old. She'd always been a little bit too curious and had crept out of the den she shared with her guardians Skimbleshanks and Jennyanydots. It was late, everyone else was sleeping and she walked around the junkyard by herself, not anticipating that her home looked very different in the dark. It wasn't pitch black, the yard was illuminated by street lamps and the stars but everything seemed unfamiliar. The smiling faces on food packaging looked like grimaces, the piles of junk looked like sinister, looming figures. She tried to move herself with confidence but found it getting increasingly difficult to find her way around the heaps of discarded trash, the kit started to get worked up and anxious about not being able to find her way back to her den until the next morning and it started to get cold. As if to add insult to injury, rain began to pour in that irritating feather-like fashion that soaks you while retaining a constant speed and freezing temperature.

Jemima started to run, tears clouding her eyes as she tried to familiarise herself with her surroundings. She managed to navigate herself enough to find a patch of the junkyard that was protected from the rain by a discarded door that acted as a makeshift shelter, she crawled underneath and pulled her knees to her chest before letting a few tears run down her cheeks. She didn't know how long she'd be stuck there with the rain pelting the floor of the junkyard and the cold seeping into her fur, she inwardly cursed herself for being so restless and wandering away from the safe warmness of her den so she could give into a fleeting daydream. Just as she was about to let go, throw her head back and cry loudly, she felt a paw tap at her shoulder.

"Who's there?" she blinked in fright, she could vaguely make out a silhouette of a tom and she kind of recognised the voice but she was in no way ready to accept another presence when she felt so vulnerable.

"Go away!" She replied, edging further away and her back arching in an attempt to make herself look bigger, her voice betrayed her bravado of courage and came out in it's usual soprano squeak.

"Jemima? Is that you?" the tom came closer and Jemima hugged herself whimpering, still not wholly trusting whoever was there with her. He could see her face now she'd moved into a small interval of light that seeped through from a lamp post a few metres away, "It is you!"

"Leave me alone," she said, covering her tear stricken face. The tom edged cautiously into the light, she felt him get closer and his paws cover hers and she knew she recognised the scent but couldn't place it to a cat.

"Jemima, it's me," he took her paws away from her eyes, she blinked up into the face of the silver tabby tom Munkustrap and immediately started to cry again.

"Please don't tell Skimble and Jenny," he chuckled and gave her paws a comforting squeeze.

"Calm down," he said gently, "What are you doing out here so late?"

"I just wanted to see what it'd be like when I get to go to the ball and stay up all night," she paused and whispered, "But I don't like it."

Her little face crumpled and she tried to hold back tears that were threatening to fall down her cheeks again, she didn't like reminding everyone that she was the youngest of the tribe and she felt pathetic for crying in the future Jellicle protector's face. Munkustrap gave her a sad little smile before nodding his head to where he was previously sat before Jemima disturbed his rest.

"Do you want to come sit with me, Jemima? It's warmer back there and some rain's getting in by here," she nodded and allowed the tabby to take her hand and lead her over. They sat down and he put a strong arm around her, drawing her small frame closer to his, he let out an over-exaggerated shivering noise in an attempt to make her smile which she did but more out of relief for the instant warmth.

"Warmer?" he said and grinned when she nodded, "Now, I won't tell Jenny or Skimble that you rebelliously left your den and aimlessly wandered around the yard in the rain. I won't even tell them that you barged in on my secret hiding place if you promise me a few things, okay?"

She nodded, looking up at his face with her wide dark eyes. She was such a sweet thing and Munkustrap felt instinctively that he should protect her from anything and everything. He gave her a small smile as she burrowed further into his side to try and get warmer.

"Firstly, don't worry about the ball because we hook up some extra lights so it's never this dark, okay? Secondly, wipe your eyes because there's no need to be afraid or upset because I'm here and do you think I'd let anything happen to you?" she shook her head and gave a sniffle, "Good, because I won't. Lastly, you're going to have to get some sleep because otherwise you're not going to be able to play with the others and they'll be disappointed."

"I can do that," Jemima replied, Munkustrap smiled as she balanced her head on his lap and lay down beside him, curling into his body heat.

The next thing Jemima knew, it was dawn and she was being carried by the strong tom that had kept her company that night. No one was awake yet but the sun was just peaking out from behind some clouds, she looked up and saw the tom's silver face pulled into a tired expression, he hadn't slept that night so he could keep watch over her. She patted his chest to catch his attention and sure enough, blue eyes looked down to meet brown eyes.

"Munkustrap," she whispered still fatigued, "I love you."

Usually he would have felt incredibly awkward about a queen professing their love for him but he knew that a kitten's love was nothing but innocence in it's purest form. It meant she trusted him, that she felt safe around him and it choked him up slightly. He gave a smile and began to chuckle,

"Oh, Skimble will be so pleased. Hush now, Mima, you're nearly home. Just sneak in and we'll forget about your late night escape, okay? It'll be our little secret, I won't even tell your sisters."

Jemima thought of Demeter and Bombalurina, they'd be furious if they found out she'd sneaked away while they were still sleeping soundly in the den. She smiled gratefully up at the tabby cat, her heart swelling with childish affection for him.

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The second time she was fifteen and it was the day after her first Jellicle ball. He was sat in the same place she'd sang with Grizabella from the previous night, he had a pensive look on his face as he stared over the perimeters of the junkyard as cats chattered in their little groups. Jemima clambered up and crouched next to him, tapping him gently to get his attention. Munkustrap smiled and knew almost instantly who had decided to come sit with him, most cats would rub you gently as a greeting but Jemima took a far less invasive approach. He smiled at her, his eyebrows raised expectantly as she gave him a grin.

She had grown significantly but had yet to shrug the kittenish manner from her, the other queen kittens were at least a year her senior, her best friend was now officially a queen but she still had this elfin and childish way about her.

"How can I help you, Miss?" he said with a grin as she stretched and made herself comfortable next to him.

"I wanted to thank you for helping Demeter last night," she said, she still spoke with a soprano-pitch and melodic pace, "How are you feeling this morning?"

He knew she was referring to his fight with Macavity and whilst she hadn't meant to, he inwardly cringed, hating having to act so violent in front of everyone. His ears flattened against his head unwillingly, the rust and black kitten noticed and gave him a slight nudge to show she hadn't intended on making him feel bad, he gave her a small grateful smile before shrugging.

"How did you find your first ball, Miss Mima?" he said softly, turning his body so he could focus on her entirely. She smiled and her eyes lit up with mirth,

"It certainly wasn't too dark," she said and smiled as he laughed, remembering their shared night all those years ago, "And it was pretty much everything I've ever dreamed of. I'm so happy about Grizabella and Victoria seems really set on Plato now."

"We should have listened to you kits about Grizabella earlier than we did," he mumbled, "You sang beautifully, by the way."

Jemima felt her cheeks flush and her chest tighten with pride, she bowed her head modestly but couldn't help but feel so happy about him acknowledging her songs, she'd been so afraid that people would have made fun of her for butting in at her first ball but the reactions were all pretty positive so far and Munkustrap's approval was very much appreciated.

If the kitten was honest with herself, she'd been infatuated with the older tom since he'd sheltered her from the rain and carried her home. She knew nothing would come about it due to the ten year age gap and because he was the very devoted tom friend of her older sister. Demeter and Jemima had never been extremely close, they loved each other but kept cool heads together because Demeter was never an over-affectionate person and she was so much more cynical than Jemima who had nothing but childish love for life. She didn't resent her blonde sister because of Munkustrap's very evident affection for her, she couldn't because she knew that Demeter deserved a tom as brave and kind as Munkustrap, but couldn't help but feel disheartened that it wasn't her that Munkustrap wanted.

"Jemima, can I tell you something? Something secret?" Her ears perked and she smiled at her silver companion, nodding enthusiastically at the thought of being confided in by the tom as he looked around cautiously to check if anyone was listening.

"Your sister... I'm thinking about asking her to, um, well to..." Jemima felt her gut churn but she nodded.

"You're going to be her mate?" she asked, trying to steady herself and to swallow any tears as he nodded excitedly. It was silly to get upset over a tom she knew she could never have but her heart ached nevertheless. It felt as if his inadvertent rejection of her washed over her small body like icy water and she couldn't get dry or warm.

"You can't, I love you," she said sternly. She watched as the tom's eyes widened in shock, his mouth adjacent slightly as he tried to find the right and sensible words to say. Jemima savoured the look of surprise on his face with a bittersweet smile, he looked sweet and lost but it was enough to tell her that he didn't feel the same way, although she knew this anyway.

"Munkustrap, breathe. I'm joking," she said, forcing herself to roll onto her back and laugh whole-heartedly at the tom's panicked stature. He blinked at her before joining in with a few chuckles and giving her a slight shove.

"You scared me!" he accused, "You're secretly an evil genius, aren't you?"

Jemima smiled and looked up at him from her laying position, her paws batting close to his face teasingly as she poked her tongue out at him, she played the role of being the childish little sister well and she knew that it made him feel at ease, that it was enough for him to completely rule it out as a joke.

"I'm sure Demeter would love to be your mate," she said with a smile and swung her body sideways so she could sit upright. Munkustrap smiled and gave her paw a slight squeeze.

"You're sure?" he asked, his face reminiscent of an awkward little boy. Jemima nodded and squeezed his paw back.

"Definitely," she answered, relishing his smile that followed her confirmation.

"Thank you, Mima."

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The third was when she was six months into queen-hood and without a mate. Jemima was on top of the pipe and watched Victoria's kittens in the clearing, jeering and jumping around like she used to with her friends. She smiled fondly at them, longing to go over and join in but knowing that she'd earn more than a few odd stares from the other adult cats if she did.

Jemima had been incredibly unprepared for growing up, she danced the coming of age dance with Pouncival out of convenience since both of them had not yet found a cat they loved enough to mate with and because they'd been close for most of their lives, she didn't find her own den until a week after being an official grown-up whereas most Jellicles already had one planned months in advanced and she still hadn't brought herself to get over her kitten crush on her sister's mate.

She'd thought by the time she was an adult she'd be over the tabby tom, but she watched him now with all the longing of an adolescent teen and all the instincts of a queen. It meant being around Demeter grew increasingly difficult, she felt so guilty about thinking of her sister's mate in a way that wasn't strictly platonic or in a manner that wasn't exactly sisterly. It was made worse by the fact Demeter had said in dire secrecy, to both Jemima and Bombalurina, that while she loved Munkustrap he was someone she _needed_, he wasn't exactly someone she _wanted. _Jemima looked over to him now, he was speaking with Alonzo with his head bowed and his back straight, showing off his tight muscles. She couldn't understand how anyone wouldn't want him, he was everything that was good about a cat wrapped up in a strong physique and a handsome face.

He turned around as if he'd heard her thoughts and Jemima almost fell off the pipe, she didn't bother looking away in embarrassment because she knew he'd seen her staring. He smiled in response and made his way over.

"Jemima! Just the queen I've been wanting to talk to," she rolled her eyes at him from the top of the pipe.

"Has Jenny or Bomba recruited you in the mission to get me hitched? Because I've told them, I'm not interested," he scratched the back of his head nervously and laughed under his breath.

"Perhaps," he mumbled, still grinning uncertainly.

"It's not compulsory to mate straight away after being an adult and I'm not interested, _you_ didn't," she answered, already slightly bored of the conversation after hearing it so many times.

"I know, I know. I was just wondering why?" he looked up at her with those lovely blue eyes and Jemima swore she almost melted there and then, "I mean, I know a lot of the toms here are idiots but they're not that bad. Why not Pouncival?"

"Pouncival's a friend, a good friend but a friend nevertheless," she said with a bemused smile, "And I'm sure he'd have a nervous breakdown if I asked him to settle down with me."

"I doubt that. You're an attractive queen, Jemima, he'd probably be honoured," Jemima felt her cheeks flush at him calling her attractive. She mustered all of her self-control to scoff while keeping steady eye contact with him so he didn't think she'd taken it as seriously as she had. It was a silly thing to get so excited about anyway, he hadn't said, "Jemima, you're a very attractive queen, come make an honest tom out of me, you attractive creature!" he was just being nice. Like a brother-in-law should.

Oh God, he was her _brother-in-law._

"You're just saying that because I look like Demeter, don't try and trick me, Mister,"she teased with a flash of her elfin grin, he chuckled before putting an arm out and edging closer to the pipe.

"Come walk with me and we'll talk more," he offered, "I promise not to try and push mated life onto you any more."

Jemima took his arm and jumped down from the pipe, they walked together amiably, doing laps of the junkyard and stopping now and then to speak to some cats. Jemima thought about linking arms with him or snuggling beneath his arm so their hips bumped as they walked, she shook her head to quickly dispel the thoughts and tried to remind herself that he had a beautiful mate waiting for him at the den who happened to be one of the most important people to her.

"Do you maybe like someone that's already spoken for?" Munkustrap inquired during a slight lapse in the conversation's flow, his voice was soft and understanding. She felt herself tense up, worrying that perhaps he'd guessed about her feelings somehow. Jemima had thought she'd been the image of discretion, perhaps she'd not been as subtle as she thought she had. She came to a stop and he mirrored her, she looked at his face and tried to keep false surprise and confusion plastered on her face, he ducked his head apologetically at her apparent shock.

"I'm sorry... I mean, it's just Bomba and I thought that perhaps you might like Alonzo," Jemima didn't even bother stifling her laughter.

"Oh, Munkustrap no!" she shook her head, laughs pouring from her lips as she did, "What on Earth gave you that idea? Oh, Everlasting Cat."

"You both flirt a lot," Munkustrap said a little too defensively, not liking being made fun of so blatantly and by a younger cat.

"Alonzo flirts with everyone," Jemima said, still giggling, "So does Cassandra. It's why they make such a perfect couple."

"Okay, okay. I get it." he nodded, nudging her and ruffling her head fur as he did.

"Anyway Munkustrap," Jemima said, walking a little ahead from him, thinking she'd be a little bit adventurous. The tabby tom had made her feel uncomfortable with the pestering about her love life so she was more then happy to return the favour, "I love you."

She had her back facing him so hadn't anticipated it when he picked her up and swung her around like he did to the kittens. Her back was pressed against his chest and she thought for one fleeting moment that maybe he was going to reciprocate her very real feelings after being provoked by her joke confession. But then she heard him laugh.

"Don't try that again, just because you're a queen now doesn't mean I can't chuck you around, okay Miss?"

A false laugh fluttered out of the young queen's lips, her cheeks were warm and she was thankful that she had his back to him in that short moment because otherwise he might have noticed her brow pucker in disappointment and her very strained smile. He placed her down gently and she gave herself half a second to regain composure before turning on her heel to look at him. They weren't in extreme proximities of each other but she could still see each of his long eyelashes and the lines around his eyes when he smiled. She put a hand to her heart and another on her forehead dramatically, the same pose she'd pull when she'd fawn over Tugger as a kitten.

"Oh, silence my heart! You wound me, Munkustrap," he rolled his eyes and ruffled her head fur.

"Shut up, you."

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The fourth was three years later when she was at the age of twenty one, six months after Demeter moved to the other side of the city with her owners. Her sister had been adopted by a family at a young age and spent her time flitting between the junkyard and the family home, then her owners decided to move to an upper-class part of London which was a good few miles from her Jellicle home. Perhaps her relationship with the silver tabby would have lasted anyway despite the distance since the blonde queen made sure she visited every other week, but then her humans bought another cat into the house, a calico tom by the name of James. They encouraged the pair to breed to sell their kittens and credit to Demeter she resisted James for a good three months while she lived, ate and slept in the same house as him but then you can't choose who you fall for and Demeter fell for James. Long distance didn't suit Munkustrap well anyway, he was protective and he wanted his mate to be with him far more than for a few hours every two weeks and Demeter saw how it was hurting the tabby. So they came to the mutual agreement to break it off to limit any prolonged suffering for either of them. Even though Munkustrap agreed and understood, it didn't make him take it any easier.

"I'm worried about him," Victoria whispered to Jemima as she looked over at the Jellicle protector's den, "When he's not on duty, he's just locked up in there. Plato tried to talk to him but he keeps saying that he's fine when it's obvious he's not."

Jemima bit her lip, she was worried too. She hadn't spoken much to him since he and her sister's separated and when she did, he'd just look at her with this awful pained expression. She'd tried to talk to Bombalurina about it but her elder sister said it was just because she took after Demeter so much. Her eyes fell down to her paws as she fidgeted, she felt Victoria's cool blue eyes appraise her with concern, Victoria had been the only one Jemima had told about her feelings for the Jellicle protector and her best friend had been so supportive instead of judging her for lusting over her sister's mate. The white queen balanced her head on Jemima's shoulder and blinked up at her from under long eyelashes.

"You should talk to him," Jemima looked down at her in surprise, "I don't mean talk to him as in tell him how you feel. I just think he needs a friend right now and you'd be perfect for the job. He can't talk to the toms because they're stupid and can't understand anything remotely sentimental, Bombalurina isn't just Demeter's sister she's also her soul mate so it'd be awkward and he'd be feeling like he was burdening any of the other queens if he approached them. You strike the perfect balance, you're equally close to him and Demeter so you can offer a sympathetic and impartial ear, get it?"

Jemima sighed and looked over at his den, "I don't know, he doesn't seem to want to talk to me much these days."

"Well then go change his mind," Victoria said, standing suddenly and picking her friend up by the arm too, "Now, are you going to go over there or am I going to have to frog-march you there myself?"

Jemima grinned at her friend cheekily, "Motherhood has changed you."

Victoria swatted playfully at her with a giggle but quickly gave her a nudge forwards and closer to Munkustrap's den. Jemima gave a sigh, shrugged and then walked over with false confidence. She called inside and was quickly beckoned in by the silver tabby tom. As she walked in, she noticed immediately that a queen hadn't lived there for a while. Munkustrap wasn't a messy tom but there was piles of clutter in each corner and no natural order of anything. He was sat, waiting for her, and when he noticed who it was he sprung up to greet her. Jemima grinned at the friendliness, relieved that it seemed like he wouldn't be giving her agonising stares at any point.

"Jemima, nice to see you," he said with a grin and led her into the centre of his den, "How can I help you?"

"I'm not really here for help, Mr. Protector Man," she said, poking fun at his serious stance. He was always on duty, his devotion to his work was admirable but it made her feel uncomfortable when he spoke to her so formally. The tom laughed and slumped slightly, apologising for his seriousness, it helped to lighten the mood a little bit but Jemima still didn't feel entirely at ease, like she knew that he didn't want her there. It hurt to feel like she was an annoyance or a burden to him but she knew she had to persevere. She'd had enough of pained looks and awkward silences, she wanted her relationship with Munkustrap back.

"What I want to say is... Basically, you've been, understandably, off lately and I was just wondering if there was anything I could do?" she watched as he slumped onto a mattress that served as a bed and as a couch. He let out a short, abrupt laugh and shrugged.

"I don't think so, Mima," he said softly, "It's all very... Adult and boring."

She felt her lips twinge in annoyance and she took it upon herself to sit beside him, "I'm not a kitten, Munkustrap, please don't talk to me like I am."

He looked at her, his eyes widened slightly with worry as he shook his head, "Oh Everlasting, no. Sorry Jemima, I didn't mean to sound so patronising, I promise I didn't."

"Don't worry about it," she gave his leg a nudge with her knee, "But seriously, what's going on with you, Munkus?"

"You know," he murmured vaguely. She didn't know because she hadn't spoken to him for God knows how long but she humoured him and nodded anyway, he was biting his lip and looking out at nothing in particular. Jemima didn't want to do anything to disturb him from his thoughts but she put a hand on his shoulder to let him know that she was there if he wanted to carry on talking.

"I just think, is there anything I could have done to make her stay? We'd been drifting long before she moved but it didn't mean I didn't love her any less. I look at her now when she comes to the junkyard on her little visits and I think there must have been something I could have done better, there must have been something about me that made her want to be with whoever that James guy is, there must be something he has that I haven't and I just wish I knew what it was."

Jemima felt her chest tighten, she didn't like seeing the tom she'd loved since she was a kitten be so unsure of himself because when she looked at him she was nothing but perfection. He let out a bitter chuckle now and shrugged, turning his head so he could look into her wide brown eyes and make her want to bury herself into him even more than she already did.

"I don't know, Mima, I knew it was coming to an end but I'm still so angry that I let it happen," Jemima took a breath and tried to gather her thoughts. She flicked through cliché phrases and tried to decide which would suit best to cheer the tom up but when she opened her mouth none of her carefully calculated speech came out, it was just a mess of years of repressed emotions.

"Stop right there," she said sternly, her hand going up to touch his cheek lightly, "I don't want to hear that from you. In actuality Munkustrap, there was nothing you could have done better. You saved her from Macavtiy, you protected her day and night and you were the mate that every queen dreams of to her but that didn't mean she wasn't going to find another person and fall just as hard for them as she did with you. You can do everything right and it can still come out wrong but that's just how life is and I don't want to hear you ever doubt yourself again, you hear me?"

"Jemima," he tried to interject, his brows furrowing and his teeth going to bite down on his lip again, "You're being too nice, it's very flattering, thank you."

The queen sighed and stood before making her way to the exit, she'd said everything that really needed to be said but she still felt like there was more she wanted to tell him. She stopped and turned back to look at him, he'd stood as well and he was watching her intently.

"I still don't think you get me, Munkus. You're strong, safe, kind and, if you don't mind me saying, incredibly good looking. You're everything every queen needs wrapped up into one tom and you're still so much more but that doesn't necessarily mean that every queen will want you though I myself can't imagine how anyone wouldn't want you because I honestly..."

She'd said too much. He was coming closer now, still watching her but with more curiosity than before, "You honestly what?"

Jemima knew she could make up an excuse or something else to say, but she didn't want to. She wanted him to know, once and for all, that she was in love with him and not in the way she'd always made out before. She disregarded the jokes now and looked him in the eye, mustering up false confidence from nowhere and trying to control her shaky legs.

"I honestly," she said carefully, "Am in love with you."

And then he did one of the worst things he could have possibly done. He sighed and shook his head, looking upwards and cursing under his breath. She wasn't expecting him to sweep her off her feet and tell her he loved her too but she would have preferred him laugh and continue seeing it as a joke rather than act like it was a horrible pressure. He held the bridge of his nose and muttered,

"You're so young."

Jemima felt tears well up in her eyes but she blinked them back and replaced her feelings of sadness for agitation, "I thought we'd covered that I'm not a kitten any more, Munkustrap."

"You're Demeter's sister, I just... God," he sighed, "I was meant to look after you not... You're Demeter's _little sister._"

"Don't you dare try and blame _this_ on yourself too," she said, her head pounding with irritation and her hands shaking, "My feelings are mine and mine alone. Likewise, I'm not just Demeter's 'little sister' so don't speak as such."

"Jemima, you're just saying this because we've always had a good friendship and because I've always looked after you, you don't mean it," he mumbled, "Everlasting Cat, I'm ten years older than you."

Jemima didn't even bother about blinking back tears now, she straightened herself up and stared at him, "You can say what you want to yourself, Munkustrap because I know how I feel and I know that I've felt this way since I was that stupid kitten that got lost in the dark on a rainy night."

They stared at each other, tears trickled down her lovely face and he appraised her with that damn agonised expression. She gave a curt nod, not breaking eye contact from that beautiful silver tom.

"I think it's best if I leave," she'd meant her words to come out cool and uncaring but she could barely whisper them and they cracked in her throat.

"Jemima, please don't cry," was the last thing he said to her as she turned on her heel and walked out of the den, her arms swinging by her side.

She looked over at Victoria who had waited outside for her return. It was dark now and her kittens had gone to bed with their Father but the white queen remained faithful and eager to hear her best friend's news. Her excited smile fell as Jemima wiped her tears and attempted to smile back. The older queen ran to her and enveloped her in a caring embrace.

"He thinks I'm a stupid, stupid little kitten," Jemima sobbed into her companion's chest as Victoria stroked her back soothingly.

"Miss Mima, you're little but you're certainly not stupid and definitely not a kitten any more. He'll come around, you see."

**((A/N: Ahhh, I can't help but love this pairing so much! Like, I usually see Munkustrap as a big brother figure to Jemima and I love the standard Munkustrap and Demeter pairing but something about these two together makes me so happy ^^' This was originally going to be a oneshot but I got a little carried away so I'll post another chapter with the conclusion c: I hope you enjoyed, if you did please review! And if you picked up on any areas I need to improve on, please don't hesitate to tell me!))**


	2. Chapter 2

**Don't Say It**

Munkustrap told Jemima he loved her a week after she confessed to him and a year after he realised his feelings.

He'd felt disgusting as he longed for the sweet queen whilst he lay with her sister. She was such a gentle, sensitive soul and he always appreciated her affection for him but he found himself wanting more and more of it. He hated it when other toms stared at her, he loathed talking to Jenny about any of the queen's plausible future mates and he couldn't stand it when Jemima shared her loving ways with any other tom but him. He spent a whole nine months repressing his thoughts and feelings about the calico but then when his own mate sat him down and discussed separation, he felt a glimmer of hope that he instantly shot down and hated himself for.

He loved Demeter, he truly did but he knew as well as the blonde queen that they were together because everyone expected them to be. They worked, they were right for each other and he'd grown comfortable knowing she'd be there when he got home from his work which meant when they separated he took it pretty hard although he'd wanted Jemima for a large portion of their last year together.

He stayed away from her after Demeter left him, when they spoke he made it brief and to the point. He couldn't look at her for too long because when he did he remembered that he was in no way obliged to stay clear of her any more and it sparked off temptation that he had to smother because she was a young queen with a huge future ahead of her, a future that he would have no part in tainting with awkward family issues.

Then she told him her feelings, truly and sincerely, and he almost leapt for joy. He wanted so desperately to wrap his arms around her and tell her that he felt exactly the same but that nagging guilt prevented him from doing it, so instead he watched her cry and run into the arms of her best friend. Munkustrap spent a week thinking over everything and at last came to the conclusion that she deserved to know, at least, that her feelings didn't go unrequited.

When he got off his protecting duty, he looked for her. She was sat on the car, flanked by Victoria and Bombalurina who were making her laugh. He watched as she tilted her head back as a stream of giggles escaped those lovely lips and he felt anxious, what if her confession was a spur of the moment type thing and her affection was likewise variable? Just as he decided to turn around and return to his den, his legs seemed to work against his will and propelled him forward.

Victoria noticed him first and gave Jemima a slightly worried look, Bombalurina was next and she put a protective arm around her youngest sister and stared at the silver tom with the same fierce protectiveness, lastly the queen of the moment saw him and at first she grinned but then slowly, as if remembering their last conversation, the smile subsided and she ducked her head to avoid eye contact.

She'd told her older sister everything once Bombalurina had sworn not to tell Demeter, the red queen was admittedly shocked but had been surprisingly supportive throughout the whole week. She joined Victoria in an effort to make Jemima feel better, the queens had been sat and discussing mated life, a conversation Jemima thought would make her depressed but instead had her keeled over in laughter.

"I swear," Bombalurina had said with a cheeky smile, "You'd think that after he _finally_ asked me to mate with him Tugger would have realised that he's definitely not the driving force of our relationship. I have no idea how he'd survived this long without me, he tried to eat some sort of outdated cereal that he found the other day and was convinced that it would work as a substantial meal."

"Try living with Plato," Victoria said as she rolled her eyes, "That tom is just hands, hands, hands. I've already pushed three kittens out of my body, I could do without pushing any more out, thanks very much."

"I have nothing to worry about since I'm doomed to be a spinster for the rest of my days," Jemima said with an uncertain smile as she stretched out.

"Oh please," Bombalurina replied, "Where do I sign up?"

Then Munkustrap showed up and suddenly Jemima didn't feel like laughing any more. At first, she beamed at his entrance, so happy to be seeing him after they parted on such uneasy terms but then she realised why their last goodbye had been so uneasy and she couldn't bring herself to look at him. She was vaguely aware of Bombalurina's arm around her shoulder and Victoria's sharp intake of breath but all she could focus on was listening to Munkustrap's footsteps. The tom came to a halt in front of the three queens.

"Jemima," he said, his voice soft, "Would you like to go for a walk with me?"

Her head snapped up and she looked at him, she'd made sure that no one else in the tribe picked up on how she was feeling so she was as groomed and perfect as she was every day but the way her shoulders slumped and her lip trembled did not go unnoticed by the silver tabby.

"Why?" she asked bluntly, the tom cringed away from the coldness of her response.

"Just to talk," he said, maintaining his gentle tone. Jemima looked at the two queens beside her who silently encouraged her to do what she wanted, she heaved a sigh and slid down the car and in front of the tom.

"Okay," she said, her face blank. He nodded at the other two who were watching him warily and motioned for Jemima to follow him. They walked in silence for the most part, Munkustrap had thought maybe he'd sit her down close to the other cats so she didn't feel isolated or threatened but soon found himself walking to his den. He hovered outside it for a little while, looking at Jemima's face for any inclination that she was uncomfortable but there was nothing there, she was just blank. They walked inside and Munkustrap immediately sat at his mattress, Jemima stood a few feet opposite from him with her arms crossed defensively across her chest, he patted the space next to him as a signal for her to sit down next to him.

"I'm fine here, thank you," she mumbled. She wasn't being unkind or difficult but the words were mainly in monotone and Munkustrap felt his stomach churn with guilt, she'd obviously not forgiven him for their last conversation. He sighed lightly and nodded, feeling her eyes watch him as he tried to unscramble his words that rebounded against each other inside his head.

"Jemima," he started, clapping his paws together, "I know what you said last week must have taken a great deal of courage and I understand that I didn't react in the best way but you need to understand that it was so.. Unexpected. I mean, you're a very sweet queen but you're so... you're very young."

Jemima's eyes had already begun to cloud over, "Look, don't go on about my age again. I get it."

"But you are," Munkustrap persisted but he spoke gently, "And I can't say that I relish the idea of ruining being young for you. I know I'm not old but I don't think you understand how us being together would impact your life, not just because of the difference in our age but because of my relationship with your sister too."

The queen shook her head and quickly wiped away a tear that had managed to spill from an eye and down her cheek. Munkustrap went to continue but she held up a paw to silence him before he could carry on with his pre-planned words. Her eyes narrowed slightly and her shoulders sagged.

"If this is you just trying to justify your rejection of me then you don't need to and I'd rather not be here," she said, her voice surprisingly confident, "Knowing that you don't want to be with me hurts enough without you explaining why, especially when you're treating me like a child."

Munkustrap's kind expression didn't falter, "I'm trying to have an adult conversation with you, Jemima."

"Then why are you assuming that I haven't thought of those things already?" she said, wiping more and more tears as they started to cascade down her face. She tried to remain brave, the epitome of confidence and cool indifference but she couldn't. Her hand went up to brush her head fur uneasily and her lip trembled, she gave up on wiping her face and let her tears flow freely, figuring that she'd humiliated herself in front of the silver tabby tom so much that it didn't really matter whether or not she cried at him any more.

"Of course I've thought about them," she continued with her voice shaking, "But I really don't care what anyone else thinks. This is the first time I've not given a damn about what people say because it's you and if I could have you then nothing else would even... Nothing would matter, okay? And Everlasting, I know you don't feel the same way but please don't try and convince me that you're somehow doing me this big bloody favour by not wanting me."

Munkustrap stood slowly and made his way over to her, she tried to back away from him but he lifted her swiftly and carried her back to the mattress. She'd abandoned any kind of resistance and leaned against his chest, trying to stop her tears and heavy breaths. He sat down slowly and balanced her on his lap so that her legs spilled over one of his legs and he had her profile fitted against his chest.

"Hush now, Miss Mima," he whispered, making her burrow further into him and cry harder at the mention of her nickname.

He stroked her back gently and whispered sweetly to her as he waited for her to calm down. Soon enough her sobs subsided and she was just lead against him, her ears flat and her face flushed with embarrassment.

"Jemima," he said, putting a hand beneath her chin and tilting her face up so he could look at her properly, "I promise I didn't mean to make you cry again."

She shrugged and sniffed with a half-hearted smile, "It's all I seem to be doing around you recently, sorry about that."

"No I'm sorry," he said as he wiped her face with a thumb, "Because I really messed up what I wanted to tell you and it should have been really easy but I got so caught up in trying to be sensible and strict that I ruined everything. I'm sorry."

"No need," she replied but her ears perked in curiosity, "What do you want to tell me?"

He felt his throat clog with the three words he should have told her the week before, she was peering at him with confusion etched in every feature of her pretty little face. He smiled nervously at her, his hand still circling her back gently, he tried to decide whether or not it was a good idea. He could easily just tell her not to worry or make something else up but he suddenly found her being upset at him and being without her a lot less favourable, even if she decided she was better off without him after he told her his feelings.

"I have loved you since you were small, maybe not in the same way that you loved me, but I loved you nevertheless" he said carefully, "But for the past few months, I've felt differently about you and it's been very difficult to come to terms with."

"Do you not love me any more?" Jemima asked worriedly, her frown only deepening when he chuckled.

"No, Jemima, much the opposite which is why it's been hard to wrap my head around everything especially with your sister," he ignored her as she flinched at the mention of Demeter, "What I mean to say is... Well, I love you Jemima and not in the same way I loved you when you were a kitten or even when you turned into a queen. I love you like you love me, I want to be with you but I don't think we can."

Jemima was watching him closely, she shifted herself and straddled him so she could look at his face better. He blinked in surprise but couldn't help but grin when she wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled herself closer, he could smell her and see every aspect of her face in minute detail. The hint of a smile on her lips but the worry in her eyes, the trails of shed tears still decorating her cheeks and her chest heaving up and down with every breath.

"You're being serious?" she asked, her brown eyes staring incisively into his, "Please promise me you're being serious, Munkustrap. You mean this?"

"Of course I do," his arms wound around her slender waist and her smile widened.

"Why don't you think we can be together?" she queried, pulling back slightly so he could feel her weight on his arms.

"People talk," he whispered, "I don't want people talking getting in the way of you doing whatever you want to do and you shouldn't have to be tied down to a boring old man."

"Old man," she scoffed, "Munkustrap, you're speaking like you're Gus' age and as for people talking, let them talk because I've told you, I don't care. I care about you and if you're serious about wanting to be with me then that's all I need. Please, if you really feel the same way, don't let other people come between something... Something that could be pretty damn amazing."

Munkustrap chuckled gently but she could see he wasn't entirely convinced with her proposal although now she knew that he wanted to be swayed and she wouldn't stand down until he was. She moved closer, pressing her small frame against his muscled torso, she felt him inhale sharply at the warmth of her body against his and he burrowed his face in her head fur.

"Please don't, I'm trying very hard to be sensible by here," he said with a grin. She smiled and nuzzled his neck.

"Screw you being sensible, you'll just tell me to forget this happened and I don't want to," she looked up at him, he stared back but with a slightly bemused expression on his face. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he brought his face close to hers so he could nuzzle her cheek.

"Do you want to be with me, Munkus?" she asked gently, feeling her chest tighten in fear that he'd withdraw all of what he'd said.

"God, yes," he mumbled as he ducked his head into the nape of her neck and planted a chaste kiss there. Jemima let out a small giggle and pulled back slightly, ignoring the tom's groan at the loss of warmth. She put a hand on his cheek and grinned at him.

"Good," she murmured as she kissed him gently, feeling his hands travel from her waist to her head fur so he could pull her face closer to his. They sat there for a while, just kissing each other gently until Jemima pulled back and clambered off his lap, he begrudgingly watched her as she walked over to the opening of the den and looked out into the clearing.

He stood and followed her, wrapping his arms around her and burying his face into her head fur again. He liked her warmth, how small she was and how perfectly she seemed to fit and mould with his body. She stroked his forearm and watched as cats ran for cover as rain began to pelt the ground of the junkyard and the sky began to rumble with thunder. Jemima tensed at the noise and Munkustrap chuckled, moving his hands so he could lift her again and take her further into the den.

"It _is _good," he said with a grin as she smiled with embarrassment evident with the flushing of her cheeks, "Since it's not like you'll be braving the storm any time soon."

"You can look after me while I sleep again," she said with a small smile as he placed her down on the mattress, she stretched out and blinked up at him from underneath long eyelashes "And promise not to tell Skimble or Jenny that I'm spending the storm alone with a tom."

Munkustrap laughed, "No problem about that. I've grown quite accustomed to my head and I'd really like for it to stay on my body."

She laughed back and ran a paw up his forearm, "Lay with me?"

Her voice was no more than a whisper but he'd heard her perfectly, he smiled down at her and lay so that her back was pressed up against his chest and he put a protective arm around her petite frame and let a paw rest on her hip. She jumped every now and then when a large clap of thunder invaded their silence but he gave her a squeeze to show he was still there and when the storm had hushed and Munkustrap sat up to tell her perhaps it was time she got back to her den he saw that she'd fallen asleep in the tangle of their limbs and warmth.

**((Ah, it's finished! I'm quite happy with how this turned out and I hope I did this couple justice, thanks for reading and thanks for the really sweet reviews on the last chapter, they really made my day c: ))  
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